like smoke
by volian
Summary: [Contains minor AUness] Cloud touches on the events preceding Zack's death. Because even when he's gone, the memories will remain, and Cloud will remember. Multichaptered, gen [ZackCloud, if you squint]. [3 of 5, temporarily dead]
1. why? bleeding is breathing

SMOKE  
_fanfic by volly  
final fantasy vii (c) square enix_

...  
chapter one: why? bleeding is breathing  
...

_my lullaby  
hung out to dry  
what's up with that?  
it's over_

"Zack," he read.

The dark haired SOLDIER glanced down at the blond addressing him and smiled. "Yeah? You a new recruit? How'd you know my name?"

Cloud shrugged. "It says so on your lapel," he replied in what he hoped was a casual voice. Despite his nonchalant expression, however, he was twitching with anxiety on the inside. "How'd you know I'm a recruit?"

Zack gave a bark of a laugh. "I know everyone on these grounds, kid. You're a new face, therefore you're one of those aspiring newbies. Just-off-the-boat. Think you're gonna be as great as Sephiroth, huh?"

Cloud frowned, vaguely confused. Zack seemed much more amiable than Cloud had expected, for a SOLDIER. At the very least, he was different from Sephiroth. Sephiroth the great war general was frosty and beautiful and untouchable. Of course, that was part of the reason why he was Cloud's role model.

"I know I'm going to be," Cloud answered shortly. "And don't call me 'kid'. I have a name." It was one of Cloud's many pet peeves. He knew that he was rather short for his age. Therefore, it had grown to be a habit to bristle whenever someone implied something of his height. Besides, he wasn't a kid. He was fifteen, after all. That was far from the 'kid' ages, right?

"Really, now? Well, you don't have a nametag, kiddo, so how would I know what to call you?" Zack smirked.

Cloud scowled and Zack chuckled. "I'm Cloud. Cloud Strife."

Zack nodded. "Nice to meet you, then. Now what can I do for you, Cloud?"

"I need directions to the lobby," Cloud confessed, suddenly feeling rather embarrassed. "You're a first-class, right? Could you show me the way?" To be truthful, he picked Zack out specifically for this purpose. Zack was a first-class, yes, it said so right there on his collar, right underneath the name "Zachary Donovan". Having a first-class SOLDIER at his shoulder, like a friend, would surely make an impact when he went to register for ShinRa, wouldn't it? And perhaps he could use Zack later on, as well. Maybe to appeal for passing grades, extra tutoring, or other favors.

But suddenly he felt guilty. Zack was a human, after all, as his vibrant personality proved. Albeit a very strong and influential one. "Or...just give me instructions?"

The SOLDIER glanced at his watch. "Well, I'm running a bit short on time, but I think that I could help you find your way there. Sometimes you can get lost."

Cloud shook his head hastily. "Just give me directions..."

Zack grinned. "Hey, no problem. I'll just see you there, then fly. Come on, follow me." And before Cloud could protest further Zack had loped off, setting a brisk pace. Cloud bit his lip before hurrying to keep up, feeling progressively more shameful.

"Hey, Cloud, where'd you come from?" Zack inquired. New recruits were always rather squeamish at their first time being in Midgar, being recruited, being eligible to join the ranks of the high-and-mighty SOLDIERs. He took it upon himself to familiarize as many of the youngsters as possible with life as a ShinRa warrior; it wasn't a professional occupation, but he enjoyed it. Besides, meeting new people was fun. Most of the time.

"Nibelheim." Cloud, on the other hand, wasn't too thrilled with the prospect of a conversation. To be sure, no one was really interested in talking to him before--with the possible exception of Tifa Lockheart--and chatting with this complete stranger wasn't too high on his to-do list, even when Zack was a first-class SOLDIER. Especially when Zack was a first-class SOLDIER. First impressions were always important. If he screwed up somehow in front of a first-class, what would happen to his chances of getting into SOLDIER?

"Hn. Never heard of it. Miss life there?" Zack asked casually.

"...No. People never really liked me much." Cloud glowered at the ground, sliding his hands deeply into his pockets.

"Didn't like you much? Wonder why."

"Because they're narrow-minded bastards," Cloud growled, now growing vaguely annoyed at Zack's meddling. But Zack merely shook his head.

"Nah. I bet it's something else."

"And how would you know?"

"...you don't seem very friendly."

"Wh--what...?" Cloud seemed a bit taken aback by Zack's bluntness. Though the comment was spoken in a light-hearted manner, it was undoubtably an insult. Or at the very least, a rude assumption. Swiftly he snapped back into his usual cool demeanor. "What do you know?"

Zack gave a soft snort. "I've seen your type, Cloud. They're all around us, you know." He waved a hand at the other SOLDIERs rushing through campus to emphasize his point. "Sephiroth wanna-be's. They're all the same. Cold and stiff."

Cloud bit his lip. "So is it so bad to be like Sephiroth? Look at where he is. General. Top SOLDIER. Commander in chief of warfare."

"And is that all that matters, Cloud? Power? Status? Strength?" Zack wove his way deftly through the plethora of people and buildings. Cloud shuffled closer to avoid slipping away and drowning in the sea of downtown Midgar. "What you need to do is lighten up. I think that's the reason your friends in Nibelheim dislike you so. Maybe you've been pushing them away."

The blond visibly flinched. Zack's words, shots in the dark, struck truth. "Lighten up? Like you?"

"Yeah. It's not too hard," Zack looked down to Cloud, who walked by his side. "See, just try smiling sometime. I don't think I've seen you do it, and I don't think you've done it very much in the past. It won't kill you, you know? Look at me; I may not be in as high of a position as Sephiroth, but I'm okay, aren't I? First-class? That's still something to boast about, right?"

"Do you?"

"Do what? Brag about my rank? Yeah, I do. But, really, it's not too much of a deal when you think about it. It's not essential to life, having a high rank."

"No...I guess not..."

"Hey, look at that," Zack grinned, jutting his chin at a squat structure up ahead. "That's your place, mmkay? I'll have to leave you now."

"Oh. Okay." Cloud had barely noticed how far they'd traveled while talking. "Well, thanks, I guess," and he began to leave. Zack was nice, but his advice was a bit unsettling.

"Cloud? A few words?" Zack clapped a hand down on the younger boy's shoulder. Cloud nearly jumped. "Life isn't a competition, mmkay? You've got to relax and have fun sometimes. Being icy all the time isn't very enjoyable. I'm sure you'd have more friends in Nibelheim if you'd opened up more. Maybe even a girlfriend; I bet you look beautiful when you smile." And with a wink, he released Cloud's shoulder and turned to leave. "See you later."

And Cloud just stared.

...  
promise  
...

The stars glinted knowingly, little pinpricks of ivory against an endless navy blanket. Cloud lay flat on his back, the grass tickling his bare neck and arms and thighs. He ignored the prickly sensations, however, and fixed his gaze on the constellations of Nibelheim's midsummer night sky. Vaguely he wondered what a star would feel like if he could hold one in his palm. Maybe it'd be burning, and he'd have to drop it or it'd singe his palms.

"Stargazing, Cloud?" A wave of dark hair suddenly cascaded over his vision, followed by the pale face of a cheekily grinning young girl. Cloud blinked, then sighed.

"Hi, Tifa. What are you doing here?"

"Just watching you."

"Why?"

"Because I want to! Gods, Cloud, you're too suspicious." Tifa poked Cloud in the shoulder, giggling slightly before settling herself on the ground as well, next to her blond friend. "Does it even matter?"

"Hn." Cloud yawned.

"And you're so rude." Tifa frowned. "It's not polite to yawn in the presence of a lady, Cloud. What're you thinking about?"

"Why do you care?" Cloud mock-growled. "It's nothing to you, really." Truth be told, he rather enjoyed playful banter with Tifa like this. The girl could be cheerfully vexing at times, but she was one of his only friends, and he appreciated the times when she swung by to hang out. Especially because he was a bit of a loner, even while he was still so young.

"Come on," Tifa pressed. "Or I'll...tickle you!"

"I'm not ticklish."

"I'll find your ticklish spots, then! Teellll mee."

Cloud sighed. Sooner or later, it'd come down to this. Tifa was oh-so-famous for her stubbornness. "I was thinking about what it'd be like to hold a star." he admitted, wondering if the other youth would laugh at him.

"That's so cool!" Tifa brimmed over with enthusiasm, and Cloud watched in amusement as she squealed and clapped her hands together in childish delight. She was also famous for her habit of exaggerating every little thing that caught her interest. "Maybe you will, one day. You said you'll join SOLDIER when you grow up, right?"

He nodded. "I'll be as famous as Sephiroth!" he declared, tilting his head back up to regard the stars.

"Everyone says that."

"Well, I know that I'm going to be great one day."

"Maybe then you can touch a star," Tifa suggested, sprawling out next to Cloud and glancing up at the heavens. "SOLDIERs can do anything, can't they?"

"Yeah. They can even kill the monsters that sometimes attack the village."

Tifa shivered. "Those monsters are so scary! Sometimes I feel like they could kill me, if they got the chance..." she paused and seemed to consider something for awhile. "Cloud?"

"Huh?"

"When you get into SOLDIER, will you protect me from the monsters? Will you protect me?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"Promise?" Tifa's voice sounded a bit strange. Cloud blinked, bemused.

"Promise. I'll let you hold a star, too. If you want to," he teased, a lopsided grin on his face.

"Nah. It'd probably burn a hole in my hand." Tifa smiled, suddenly relaxing from her usual bubbly composure. She seemed much more mature than she had been before. "Thanks for the promise..."

...  
/promise  
...

Cloud closed the locker and sighed. The first day was over. Slinging his pack over his shoulder, he slid effortlessly into the flow of recruits exiting the room. The warm air hit his face like a physical blow--Midgar was suffocatingly humid. He hadn't noticed it much in the moderate morning, while walking with Zack, but it seemed that in the evenings, when the sun had sufficient enough time to bake the city, Midgar's temperature skyrocketed.

He'd jumped the first hurdle. He'd finally joined SOLDIER. He'd now a chance to be great. And yet, while Cloud plodded alongside the other recruits he didn't feel proud at all. He felt...what did he feel? It'd been awhile since he'd last listened to himself, last explored his emotions.

What had it all been about before? Just about being noticed, being powerful. Zack said that it didn't really matter, didn't he?

Then again, Zack was a first-class, Cloud mused as he entered his dormitory. Setting his possessions carelessly at the foot of his bunk, he slid onto the mattress, blankly watching his five other roommates converse amongst themselves as they set up their belongings. What were Zack's priorities when he was a recruit?

"Him? Nobody important. Just a dreamer." There was a burst of laughter, and Cloud scowled darkly at the lolling young man who dared to label him so. The adolescent's friends chortled, before one caught Cloud's pointed glare and hastily changed the subject.

Before he knew it, Cloud had slipped off his bed and was out the door. He needed a walk. Something to relieve the tension. Needed a walk alone to clear his head and sort out his thoughts, or just to familiarize himself with his new home.

Cloud winced as the heat hit him again, but shielded his eyes from the sun with a gloved hand and looked around. Midgar evenings were often crowded with SOLDIERs, as it was, alongside with morning, regarded as a sort of respite period. The thin sliver of time when military personnel working on the night shift could catch a few sips of coffee and casual conversation before work, and when those returning from duty during the day could slump into a bench and let every muscle in their Mako-enhanced body relax. He wove his way carefully through the blue uniforms and glowing eyes, some of which were fixed upon himself. Though the SOLDIERs probably didn't mean to intimidate him, the eerie, artificial luminosity seemed vaguely menacing.

It was the clashing of swords that drew him to the training hall. It sounded rather musical, really, and Cloud hesitated while exploring campus. The metallic ring of colliding blades was punctuated very loudly by a blast of a gunshot, followed quickly by another. Curiosity piqued, Cloud picked his way to the large athletic facility, where SOLDIERs and recruits alike were exercising vigorously.

He leaned against a wall, watching on with admiration before turning his gaze to the rack of weapons he'd passed upon entering the building. Guns of various fashions were stored carefully in individual shelves while cutting blades of all sizes and designs hung regally on pegs, though some were leaning carelessly against the framework.

Cloud approached the stockpile, regarding each object wonderingly. Could he try to use one? Cloud withdrew a small pistol, and bounced the handgun in one hand. Firearms didn't really appeal to him, but you had to learn them to enter SOLDIER. Sighing, he returned the pistol and cast a wary eye over the many swords.

Swords were infinitely more interesting than guns, in Cloud's opinion. SOLDIER had a wide spectrum of them, ranging from ornate broadswords to slender katanas, obvious imitations of Sephiroth's Masamune. Cloud quirked a brow at one of the few weapons not pegged up, a grotesquely large behemoth with two Materia slots adorning its blade. Gingerly he touched the roughly bandaged handle of the beast and attempted to wield it.

It was easy enough to lift it up vertically. It was not easy trying to execute a simple cut. The monster was simply too heavy for Cloud to be able to support its weight while held in a sparring position. Cloud rested the tip against the ground and sighed. The only way he'd be able to wound someone with this was if his enemy was lying flat on the ground and Cloud stabbed at him like he would a fish.

He heard a laugh and turned to see Zack standing at the doorway, a crooked grin on his face. "Having trouble, eh? The Buster's a tough weapon to use, kid."

"I'm Cloud," Cloud stressed, unable to stifle the wave of irritation that overtook him. He leaned the monstrous sword against the wall and crossed his arms, storming. "Is that too hard to remember?"

"Nah. You've a unique name." Zack chuckled, sidling up to where Cloud stood and fumed. "Hey, just ignore my little quirks, mmkay? I don't mean anything by it."

"Well...okay." Cloud watched in amazement as Zack picked up the giant of a blade and swung it one-handedly in a smooth curve to rest the weapon lightly against his steel shoulder guard. "Is that sword yours?" Zack had executed this so casually that there was no doubt of the answer, but Cloud could only continue to stare in astonishment when the first-class handled the massive blade with exceptional elegance.

"Yeah. Hey, no need to apologize," Zack added hurriedly, seeing Cloud's face redden when the younger man realized that he had been trying to wield another's weapon. "It's called a Buster Sword. Like it much?"

"I think the answer should be obvious," Cloud muttered. "I'm too weak to hold it, though."

"Weak? Nah. Just inexperienced, maybe." Zack corrected, letting a hand slam down playfully on Cloud's unruly hair. "Want me to teach you? I've still some time to kill before they call me to night duty."

The blond forced himself to ignore Zack's too-friendly gesture. Cloud detested body contact. "If it's not too much trouble?"

"Not at all." Zack grinned and rather reluctantly removed his hand. Cloud had really fluffy hair. "I must say, you're at least different from the majority of kids who wander in here. They go for the guns, most of them. Some of the die-hard Sephiroth fanboys choose a Masamune imitation, though."

As Cloud didn't really know what to reply to that, he settled for silence when Zack moved, beckoning him into the depths of the gym. The two of them slipped gingerly through the throngs of battling warriors, taking care not to interfere with their duels.

Finally Zack arrived at an open quarter. "Hey, this'll do." Twirling the Buster around so that its point was once again resting on the floor, he offered the handle to Cloud. "Here, let me show you how to hold it, mmkay?"

Cloud nodded, wrapping both hands around the bound appendage. He flinched when Zack's hands closed around his own, Zack's deft fingers arranging his grip. "Place your thumb like this, on the underside. It'll help when lifting the sword, and when you're blocking. Make sure none of your fingers overlap--you'll want to have complete control over the Buster, it can cause some accidents when you're fighting in a group."

"I can see that," Cloud remarked dryly. The Buster Sword was so large that one careless sweep could slice a teammate in half.

"Sarcastic, are we?" Cloud glanced up through blond bangs to see Zack grinning shamelessly at him. "That's a good thing. At least I know you're huma--I mean, that you have a sense of humor."

Cloud smiled and Zack laughed. "You need to start doing that more, Cloud. See, I knew you had a beautiful smile."

As soon as he realized what he was doing, however, the teenager willed the smile away, not without difficulty. Zack shook his head, but didn't seem disappointed. "Well, you're getting there."

Getting where? Cloud wanted to ask. But he didn't, for he understood, then, that it didn't really matter.

...  
author's notes  
...

Mmkay, so this is the first chapter of Smoke, as you can see. It's going to have four chapters in all, plus an epilogue. The lyrics are from Natalie Imbruglia's song "Smoke"--it's quite a nice piece; if you have the time or effort, you can try to get her CD, "Left of the Middle", from a library or something to listen to the track. x)

Er...what to say? Well, I really don't know where I'm going at with this fiction (which isn't very surprising--most of the time I don't know what I'm doing when writing any other fanfiction). All I really wanted to do, I suppose, is...just take a series of snapshots of Cloud's life with Zack. Because Cloud/Zack is the cutest FF7 pairing. In my opinion. After all, Zack died for Cloud, right? Doesn't that just scream 'romantic'? ;3

Or...maybe I'm just hopeless. / But there aren't very many Zack/Cloud fictions out there...I don't know if I'm going to have problems with this one--I'm not very good at long stories. Mainly I write short stories/drabbles, so this'll be a new thing...review?

There'll be some angst in the later chapters...this one's designed to be rather fluffy, to sate my bottomless fetish for Zack/Cloud fluff. 8D

...  
edited: 08-04-05  
...

Thanks, Sealink, for your constructive comment. :)


	2. underneath the smoke in the room

SMOKE  
_fanfic by volly  
final fantasy vii (c) square enix_

...  
chapter two: underneath the smoke in the room  
...

_where are you dad?  
mum's looking sad  
what's up with that?  
it's dark in here_

"Zack!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's me," Zack tucked a few rampant bangs behind an ear--they'd been knocked loose from his hasty ponytail by Cloud's collision. "Hey Cloud, you really should watch where you're going. Running right into people like that isn't very polite."

Cloud nearly snarled and Zack quirked a brow. "Hey, something wrong?"

But he knew the answer before Cloud even opened his mouth. He should've known. Today was the finals, wasn't it? The SOLDIER exams. "Did you pass?"

The younger teen whirled, preparing to storm off. Zack's emotional insight was comforting at times, but he didn't feel like dealing with it right now. He didn't even flinch when Zack's hand closed around his wrist and simply snapped venomously, "Fuck off."

"It's not a big deal, Cloud. You can retest--"

"Go away." Cloud wrenched himself out of Zack's grip and sped his pace, burying himself into a mob of people rushing by. He didn't want Zack's pity, the pity of a first-class who probably never had any problems passing the SOLDIER exam. He didn't want anything, didn't want anything except for a sudden bout of amnesia, perhaps, a strong enough amnesia to completely wipe out everything that had happened that evening, when he had returned to his dormitory and eagerly ripped open the letter lying on his pillow...

Actually, he took that thought back. He'd like to wipe out his whole life. He'd like to wipe out all the failure, the inadequacy, the disappointment.

"Aw, Cloud! Come on!" Zack cursed as he pushed his way through the early night-shoppers of Midgar. "Sorry! Coming through! Damnit!" For the life of him, he couldn't see why Cloud was so upset. Plenty of recruits didn't make it, but they could still stay in SOLDIER and become a common grunt or private.

Cloud was putting up a good fight. Zack brushed his way out of the traffic, growling with annoyance. To his dismay, the blond was nowhere to be seen. "What the...?" Confused, he ran a hand through his hair, Mako-silver eyes scanning the scene before him, which was conspicuously empty of fleeing teens.

"Well, that's great," with a sigh, Zack studied the streets. Cloud had been running north, hadn't he? To SOLDIER campus. Maybe he was going to the gymnasium. Shrugging, Zack adjusted the belt holding the Buster Sword to his back. "It's worth a try, I guess."

Hurriedly he made his way through the grounds, coming to a stop in front of the gym doors. He stepped inside rather hesitantly, however. "Er...Cloud?"

Something slammed into him forcefully, and he grunted as he was knocked against the wall, pinned under a certain furious blond. Wincing a bit at the second collision in mere minutes, Zack warily looked up at his enraged friend. "Yeah, I'm glad to see you, too."

"Know what I failed?" Cloud's voice was a soft, hungry whisper. "Know what I failed, Zack? It was the physical. The physical test." With a fluid motion, the youth leaned across Zack, drawing out the Buster Sword free from behind the man's back. Zack flinched, and for a fleeting moment he thought Cloud would draw the blade across his throat right then and there.

Cloud still held the gigantic steel beast unsteadily, even with all the training Zack had given him. Or perhaps it was his anger that prevented him from keeping the blade still. Zack yelped when the edge bounced on his chin, and would've clapped one hand on the stinging wound if he wasn't afraid of having his knuckles sliced off. "Hey, watch it! Cloud? Cloud!" He panicked slightly at the look in Cloud's azure eyes--they were glazed over with unnatural fury. "Slap out of it, man! It's me!"

"I failed the physical," Cloud repeated yet again, seemingly unaware of how closely he held Zack's sword to its owner's neck. "I'm not strong enough. I never was. It's always about strength, always about power. I just don't have enough!"

"Nonsense. Maybe you're not ready yet, that's perfectly--gah!" Zack gasped when the tip of his weapon dug once again into his chin, slicing across the first gash in a perfect x.

"Never good enough," Cloud hissed, ignoring the thin vein of blood seeping down his friend's chin and throat. "You're wrong, Zack. It's all about power in the end. That's all that matters to them. All that matters to everyone."

"Hey, Cloud, come on..." Zack tried to buck the other off, without success. Dimly he realized that Cloud had somehow pinned his wrists to the wall with one hand, and that the other was holding the Buster by itself. Amazing...not many could hold Zack's blade one-handedly. Apparently Cloud's newfound madness had manifested itself into strength. Cloud's knees were on either side of his thighs, preventing Zack from kicking him off. Zack sucked in a breath--all the techniques he'd taught the younger boy were being put to use, and against his teacher of all people...!

Zack's thrashing caused Cloud to jerk erratically. Zack stopped when the Buster bobbed awkwardly in Cloud's grip, and gave a gasp when it lightly grazed his neck. "Cloud, get off it!"

And the Buster Sword dropped to the floor with a metallic explosion of sound. Cloud blinked twice at Zack's petrified expression, the fog lifting from his gaze. Slowly he turned his stare to the weapon he had just dropped, then to each of Zack's new injuries.

"Um...Cloud?"

But Cloud tore himself away and flew through the doors. Zack struggled up, stifling an oath as he pulled a muscle in his haste. Snatching up his trusty sword--and pointedly ignoring the new scarlet stains it wore on its blade--he ran after Cloud, grabbing at the other's wrist.

Cloud let Zack drag him to the nearest bench and sit him down. He drew in a shuddering breath when Zack turned sharply glowing eyes on himself. "Yes?"

"What was that all about?"

"I...don't know," Cloud fidgeted, playing with the collar of his gloves and pulling his gaze from that of Zack's brilliant silver one. "I'm really sorry," he offered lamely.

"I'd be surprised if you weren't." Zack gingerly touched his wounded chin for the first time, grimacing when he withdrew his hand to watch the red dripping slowly from his fingers. "Well, it could've been worse." Yeah, you could've killed me, he added, but kept the thought to himself. No need to add to the kid's pile of guilt--Cloud wasn't himself when he committed the act.

"I take it that you didn't pass the finals. You still have options, though,"

Cloud didn't speak. He twitched when Zack laid a hand on his shoulder. "But that can come later. Cloud, what happened?"

He exhaled sharply, letting his wrath get the better of him again. "Stop trying to analyze me, Zack. Stop trying to help. Stop...just stop doing whatever it is you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Cloud laughed, but it was a cold and empty one. "Being nice to me. Trying to understand the person who almost beheaded you just then."

"Hey, I know that's not your fault. You're really upset, Cloud. Tell me why." Zack frowned, glancing at the setting sun. The vermilion globe cast long, clawing shadows across the faces of the two youths on the bench. On a sudden thought, Zack stood up, tugging Cloud with him. "Actually--tell you what, Cloud. I'll take you to my place. We can talk better there."

"But..."

"No excuses, Cloud. Come on, man. There's no need to be scared of me." Zack looked over his shoulder at the blank expression on Cloud's face. "I'm willing to listen."

...  
collapse  
...

Cloud kicked at the bright leaves. Autumn had come, the season of blazing red and gold and orange. The leaves were everywhere, and though the other children had seen them as an endless source of entertainment, Cloud saw the fallen foliage as nothing more than a hindrance and eyesore.

"Boo!" Someone jumped out at him from behind some shrubbery. Cloud didn't even flinch, but grumbled in irritation.

"Go away, Tifa."

"Why? Gods, Cloud, you're so moody. All the time, too. Doesn't it get BORING?" Tifa gave a childish giggle, before scooping up a large pile of leaves off the ground and dumping it in Cloud's fluffy hair.

Cloud groaned. "Why don't you go and play with your other friends and leave me alone?" He shook his head, dislodging Tifa's leaves and watching as the fiery-hued flakes floated down around him like drops of crimson rain.

"I wanna show you something." Tifa skipped a few paces into the forest. "Wanna come, huh?"

"No."

As expected, Tifa ignored Cloud's rejection and grabbed his hand. He tried to jerk away halfheartedly, but she merely laughed and tugged him into the woods with her. Cloud gave a sigh and allowed himself to be dragged along to wherever the girl was heading.

Tifa flew through the woods, feet barely touching down upon the leafy forest floor. Cloud very nearly ran into a tree, before being jerked away by Tifa's momentum as she danced skillfully through the maze of tree trunks. "Where are we going, Tifa?"

"If I tell you, I'll spoil it, won't I?" Tifa laughed, but, like Cloud expected, broke down. The girl couldn't hold a secret for her life. "Alright, I'll tell you--it's a Mako reactor, I swear. It's all ancient and rusty and stuff, it's awesome!"

"A Mako reactor?" Cloud brightened. Anything vaguely SOLDIER-related was fine by him.

"Yeah! It's just past this bridge!" Tifa pulled her brakes so sharply that Cloud ran into her; she didn't give off any warning whatsoever. Reddening, he could only glare at the other youngster when she laughed. "Hah! Cloud, you look so adorable when you're blushing!"

"I'm not blushing!"

"Whatever you say." Still hiccupping a bit from laughing, Tifa gestured at the rather rickety bridge that was strung across the ravine. "Beware, here. This cliff's really steep, take a look."

And Cloud did. He stepped back from the ledge, feeling a bit queasy. "You sure that bridge's reliable? It looks really old."

She giggled. "Don't be silly! I've crossed it before, haven't I?"

"Um...okay." Intuition plucked at Cloud's chest, but he ignored the nagging warning in his head. "Just be careful, Tifa...there're two of us this time."

"Hn. Shouldn't matter too much." Tifa nimbly stepped onto the bridge. In no time at all, she had crossed the halfway point. The girl glanced back at her friend, hair whipping about her neck in a stylish fashion. "Come on, Cloud! Didn't figure you to be such a worrier."

That did it. Cloud began to cross. It didn't seem too hard, he supposed, once you stopped looking down. He had already passed the halfway mark.

And that was when the bridge snapped. The ropes broke off from one end, letting the chain of planks swing forwards to crash against the opposite side of the fissure, much as many bridges were apt to do. Cloud gasped, quickly snatching at the edge of one wooden board with one hand. Tifa screamed, dashing forwards, trying to make it out.

She nearly did, too. But the bridge whipped out swiftly from beneath her feet and she fell, groping for a handhold. Cloud snapped out his free hand and grabbed her by the wrist. "Tifa!"

"Cloud!" she breathed. "Don't let go, please don't let go..."

But it was no use. She slipped out of Cloud's weak grip, and plummeted down with a cry. Cloud reached out, trying to catch her hand again, but only grasping air. "No! TIFA!"

There was no answer. Shutting his eyes against the sudden upwelling of tears that sprang up, Cloud turned back to his own predicament. Swinging his other arm up, he tugged himself up to solid ground, gasping for breath and looking around wildly. What could he do? Tifa was lying on the bottom of the gorge. Could there be another way down? Could he help some other way?

"HELP!" Cloud took a few deep breaths, before sticking two fingers in his mouth and emitting a shrill whistle. "HELP US!"

It seemed like forever until a disgruntled logger burst out of the vegetation, grumbling. "What're you screechin' 'bout, boy!"

"It's my friend!" Cloud screamed. This time he couldn't help it when tears began to snake down his cheeks. "She's really hurt! Down there, at the bottom!"

The man looked cautiously over the face of the cliff and gave a start. "Holy...! I'll get help!" And with that, he dashed off, leaving Cloud alone on the other side of the canyon with his regret and broken confidence.

Tifa lay spread-eagled on the ground, dress splayed out around her body. The liquid trickling out from between her lips was the same color as the leaves that she had so recently piled in Cloud's hair.

"Tifa...I'm so sorry..."

...  
/collapse  
...

"I could have saved her if I was stronger," Cloud whispered.

Zack had said nothing throughout Cloud's story, but now blinked and stretched. "Don't blame yourself, Cloud. You did your best, right? You probably couldn't have pulled her up anyways--you were a kid, after all."

Cloud stared blankly at his friend. Zack exhaled, leaning back in his chair. "Think of it this way--you still helped get her back home safely. Without your quick thinking, she could've died or something down there. What injuries did she get?"

"Broken collarbone. Broken ribs. Broken leg. Bruises, scratches, moderate blood loss." Cloud stared miserably at the mug of tea sitting on the tabletop. Zack had provided, urging him to drink. It would soothe him, but he felt too weak emotionally and physically to even lift the cup. "They didn't seem to think so, anyways."

"They? Think what?"

"Tifa's parents. And all the other kids in Nibelheim." Cloud closed his eyes. He couldn't cry, not in front of Zack. "They seemed to think that I stood around and did nothing, didn't try to help. It wasn't true, but the result is the same, anyways. She nearly snapped her neck, she could've died. When they carried her away, she was unconscious."

"What did you do afterwards? Did Tifa wake up?"

Cloud shook his head miserably. "I don't know. I ran away to Midgar to sign up for SOLDIER. I was confused. I had broken my promise."

"Promise?" Zack arched a brow. "What of?"

"I...I promised to protect Tifa when we were a bit younger. She said that when I was in SOLDIER I could protect her." Cloud's hands fisted up, and he glared at the wooden surface of Zack's table. "I couldn't save her in Nibelheim. So I went to join SOLDIER. I was going to be strong, stronger so that I could help her the next time she got into trouble.

"But I failed. I failed the finals. It was the physical that did me in--I wasn't strong enough. I'm always the weak one, always falling short of what really matters. I'm never good enough. Now I can't become a SOLDIER, can't protect Tifa. What would she say? I did promise her, but now I don't think I can keep it."

"Tifa wouldn't mind, I'm sure. She sounds like a nice, understanding girl." Zack sipped his own tea, staring balefully at Cloud until he sighed and did the same. "I'm sure she knows that you did your best in trying to catch her, and that you'll do your best in holding up your promise. As for SOLDIER, you can still become a grunt, Cloud. And you can retest next year, you know. There's still a chance."

"And when I fail again? I'll always fail, Zack. I'm never good enough."

"You won't fail, Cloud. I won't let you." Zack smiled. "You'll have me to help you. Every free moment I have will be spent training with you. You'll do fine with me by your side, I swear. You'll pass the finals the second time, and Tifa'll be proud of you. You know, I'm actually surprised that you failed, especially with that one-handed stunt you pulled back in the gym."

Cloud lowered his gaze shamefully. "I'm really sorry about that. You're alright, aren't you?"

Zack chuckled, rubbing at the bandage over his chin. "Yeah, of course. I should thank you, really. I'll probably get a really sexy scar from that incident."

Cloud reddened and diverted his gaze to the ground, mumbling something under his breath. Zack ruffled Cloud's hair. "What's that? I'm handsome enough as it is?"

"Conceited git," Cloud muttered, but didn't remove his friend's hand. He glanced out the apartment window, where the moon hung elegantly in the dark expanse of sky. The stars only served to remind him of the night of his promise, however, and he sighed. "It's late. I should be getting back to my dormitory."

"Hey, you don't have to. It's the night after exam results, you know?" Zack nearly punched himself when he saw Cloud's expression, and mentally berated himself for bringing the subject up again. "What I mean is that people'll be throwing parties all around campus. I've seen it before--it's a sort of tradition for all new SOLDIERs to drink themselves unconscious. It's fun, but it gives you one hell of a hangover. You probably don't want to be back in your room tonight, buddy. They'll keep you up with bar chants until morning."

"Where else can I stay?"

"Why, here, of course." Zack grinned playfully, looping an arm around Cloud's neck. Cloud flushed considerably, struggling a bit to remove Zack's loose hold. "What, are you scared? Of little old me?"

"Um...no! Of course not!"

"Well, then, what's to worry about? We're friends, right? Besides, it'll be a lot quieter in here than back in your dorm, trust me. Your roommates won't miss you; they'll be busy getting as drunk as they possibly could."

"Uh..."

"What did you say, Cloud? Yes? Mmkay, that's settled, then." Zack released Cloud's neck at last, laughing at the blond's bemused expression.

"Do I sleep on the couch?"

"What? Did I hear you correctly? You don't want to share the bed?" Zack chortled at Cloud's shocked face. "Nah, just kidding. You can have the couch, if I can find some extra blankets. You hungry, Cloud? There's junk in the fridge, help yourself. I'll go look for some pillows and stuff." With that, Zack stalked off. Cloud stared after him, before turning back to the table and downing his tea. He considered Zack's offer of food, but disregarded it. He wasn't very hungry, and the night had given him a lot to think over.

Zack would help him train? Cloud couldn't help but frown slightly, forcibly reminded of the first time he met the first-class SOLDIER. Hadn't he thought of using Zack for the exact same reason? Was this unfair? Was it giving him an advantage over the other recruits aiming for a retest?

"Aw, crap. No blankets anywhere or anything," Zack returned, scowling. "I swear, I thought Reno had returned all my sleeping bags and stuff. Is he still on stakeout?"

"Who's Reno?" Cloud inquired, clasping his empty mug in both hands.

"A friend. He's a Turk. You might meet him one day." Zack shrugged one shoulder, letting himself sink down into the sofa's cushions. "Should've known better than to lend him my stuff--he's too forgetful, the little twit." But suddenly he brightened. "I guess this means you'll be sleeping in the bed with me, eh?"

"Wha--!"

"Hey, don't do that, Cloud. It's not as if I'm going to molest you or anything, mmkay?" Zack momentarily reconsidered this. "Well, I won't if you don't want me to, at least."

"Zack!"

"Just kidding! It doesn't take much to make you blush, eh, Cloud?" Zack grinned as he led the blond to the bedroom. "There's toothpaste and stuff in the bathroom. I think I can find you a new toothbrush, hang on..."

Zack's room was messy. Cloud stared in astonishment at the heaps of clothes that lay hapzardedly about, as well as the numerous books that were strewn around the vicinity. Zack's Buster Sword lay across the bed, wrapped hastily in a towel. Obviously the dark-haired SOLDIER didn't wash the blood off it yet, as Cloud could see red stains coloring the dim white of the cloth. Picking up the heavy weapon, Cloud carried it into the restroom, where Zack was still deeply engaged in his search for a new toothbrush.

"Okay, I found one! Hey, what are you doing?" Zack blinked at Cloud, who was running water from the shower over the gleaming sword. "I could do that, Cloud."

"I was the one who caused this."

"Don't beat yourself up. You were upset."

"It's the least I can do, right? Washing your sword?" Cloud rubbed the towel over the blade, running his palm over the glassy hoar-gray surface. "Okay, that's done. Good as new."

"Thanks, Cloud. Now let's get ready for bed, huh?"

And they did. Cloud curled up under the thick sheets, shivering a bit, though not in cold. Zack's slender fingers ran down his neck and spine gently. The blond closed his eyes, enjoying the warm sensation that had somehow transferred itself from Zack's calloused fingertips to the rest of his body, washing over him in a soothing wave. It couldn't block out the memories, though.

"You're too tense, Cloud. You blame yourself too easily for things out of your control."

The teen nodded miserably. "It's just...just a feeling. I just keep on thinking that I could have saved her, that I can save her still if I passed."

Zack sighed, pulling the blond closer and wrapping his arms around Cloud's smaller body. Cloud was trembling almost uncontrollably, enveloped in the ghosts of his thoughts of the past. "Cloud...it's not your fault."

Cloud huddled into Zack's hug. "I know," he whispered. But he didn't believe it, even as he said it.

...  
author's notes  
...

Yay! OMG! I got a flame. :)

"You've got to be kidding me. Cloud/Zack is the cutest FF7 pairing? If this were something with their great friendship I WOULD HAVE LIKED IT! THIS SUCKED! Waste of my freaken time. Thank for Nothing!"

Thanks so much for my very first flame. I'll always treasure it! However, I couldn't help but notice a few surface errors...mind if I correct them for you?

"You're so right. Cloud/Zack is definitely the cutest FF7 pairing of all time. This showed the beginnings of their great friendship quite clearly and didn't have any explicit romantic scenes at all SO I LOVE IT! THIS RULES! I'm so glad to be killing time by reading this fanfiction. Thanks for everything!"

I hope you liked my revisions. ;D


	3. try? bleeding is believing

SMOKE  
_fanfic by volly  
final fantasy vii (c) square enix_

...  
chapter three: try? bleeding is believing  
...

_my mouth is dry  
forgot how to cry  
what's up with that?  
you're hurting me_

"Zack?" he whispered.

Zack stirred weakly, cracking open an eye. "Hey," he rasped, trying to ease himself into a more comfortable position. "G'morning."

"What did he do to you?"

"The usual. No big deal." Zack attempted to laugh, but it came out as more of a pained cough. He winced. "Come on, don't worry about me. Did you sleep well?"

"Stop trying to change the subject!" Cloud knelt in front of his friend, touching each of Zack's wounds worriedly. Zack twitched, but didn't attempt to pull back. "Damnit! What did Hojo do to you? Tell me!"

"Just...beat me up a bit. I'm okay, seriously." Zack eased into the protective hug Cloud gave him and leaned wearily against the cool stone wall of their cell. The stone was rough, but nicely icy against his burning wounds. "Besides...I'm more worried about you."

Cloud stared at him, but it was now a different stare from the one Zack was used to. Cloud had changed, and it was definitely not for the better. His eyes, once a soft aqua hue, now glowed brightly in an alarming shade of clouded sapphire. Mako blue. Hojo, in fits of delight of having acquired such excellent Sephiroth substitutes, had pumped insane amounts of the substance into his two newest lab rats. Zack, being a first-class SOLDIER, was rather used to the treatment and resigned himself blearily to the scientist's will. Cloud, however, as he was still a grunt--and therefore unfamiliar with the Mako treatment--had been screaming, thrashing in pain as the bubbling green plasma enveloped his body.

The memory still haunted him. The first time Cloud was subjected to Mako.

"Don't be." Cloud's voice brought Zack back to the present, and he blinked, realizing that he'd been blankly staring at the frighteningly cold crystalline depths of his friend's new eyes. "I...I think I'm getting used to it now." And here Cloud gave a bitter laugh, one that set off warning bells in Zack's head. "It's ironic, isn't it? Mako...it's supposed to make us stronger, but we're so weak, just so weak here..."

"That's only when you're dumped into it for days on end, like that bastard's been doing to us." Zack hissed when a cutting flare of pain clawed at his ribs. Cloud drew back, looking both worried and frustrated when he realized he couldn't offer any relief from the pain. "He's seriously abusing the stuff."

"Won't we die at this rate?" Something shattered in Zack's chest when he heard the hopeful note in Cloud's voice.

But he couldn't summon up the energy to reprimand his friend for such suicidal thoughts. "No, I don't think so. Hojo's smarter than he looks, the filthy rat. Ever wonder why he chucks us in here instead of keeping us in those tubes all the time?" Zack shook his head, black locks swaying, the tips still dripping with sweat--or was it blood?--from his most recent torture session. "It's a sort of resting period. He's waiting for us to recover before he comes back and drags us off to experiment on again."

Cloud bit his lip, settling himself next to his dark-haired cellmate but taking care not to move Zack more than was necessary. He looked beyond horrifying. One of the SOLDIER's eyes was swelling, his arm was lying in an awkward position that suggested a broken bone, and countless cuts arched across his lanky body. The cross mark on his jaw, inflicted by Cloud in what seemed like ages ago, had also been opened once again, traced almost teasingly by the new, raw rim of blood. It was almost as if Hojo himself wanted to remind Cloud of what he had done when he had lost control. He shook his head, but rubbed a thumb across the morbid injury, wiping away the scarlet ichor and making Zack shudder in more than discomfort.

"You look terrible."

Zack laughed hoarsely. Cloud's face twisted at his friend's efforts of mirth. "Zack! I don't mean that as a joke! How do you take it? How can you be so casual?"

Zack immediately sobered. "It doesn't do any good to angst. Besides, I'm going to get out of here one day. I'll find a way to escape. I'll take you with me, too." Zack coiled his usable arm around Cloud's shoulders. Cloud's spirit was still frail from killing Sephiroth, and Zack kept forgetting how easily he could be broken. Zack kept himself strong and optimistic, if only to help Cloud, if only to mend him everytime Hojo broke him again and again, broke him the countless, infinite times that he did. "We'll break out of here someday, I promise. We'll be free. Hojo's bound to make a mistake one day, he'll let something or another slip, and then we'll fly, mmkay?"

"Okay..." Cloud whimpered, roughly pulling Zack to him like an one would do a beloved object of comfort. Zack grimaced at the needful gesture--Cloud's coarse shirt rubbed most uncomfortably against his untended injuries--but returned the embrace as best as he could do with one functioning arm. He was the only thing that was real anymore, the only thing that Cloud could ever depend on. Everything else had melted long ago into the ocean of pain and hopelessness that had become Cloud's life since the Nibelheim incident. Cloud needed comfort and affection, craved and devoured it more greedily and desperately as one would food.

Anyone would in this hellhouse that called itself Hojo's laboratory.

...  
massacre  
...

Fire.

Cloud stared in horror as the greedy flames consumed his hometown, flickering tendrils snaking out into the cold expanse of the winter sky. Townspeople ran about erratically, trying to pull treasured posessions and family members from crumbling buildings. A young child collapsed where he stood--he might've fainted from lack of oxygen or overheating, or perhaps even died of pure shock and terror. Cloud wouldn't know.

He ran into the fiery inferno that had been, just little more than a half hour ago, Nibelheim. Not knowing exactly what he wanted to achieve, he hesitated, eyes flicking from one catastrophe to another. Damnit! What was happening? How did Sephiroth and Zack let this happen?

"Hey! HEY YOU! SOLDIER!"

Cloud whirled. Tifa Lockheart was running towards him, wild-eyed and hysterical, cowboy hat lost and forgotten. He could smell burnt hair, and her gloved hands were caked with carbon. "What is it?" He nearly shouted out Tifa's name, but bit down the impulse. His helmet was still on--with it, he was totally unrecognizable.

"Come with me!" Tifa seized Cloud's wrist, locking it in what could best be described as a deathgrip. "I know where he is! Sephiroth! He's the one behind this!"

"Sephiroth!" Cloud gasped, but didn't have time to interrogate his childhood friend further. Tifa sprinted forwards madly out of town. Dimly Cloud realized that she was pulling him into the forest, where the ice rimming the trees' leafless boughs were already starting to melt due to the heat of Nibelheim's bonfire.

She was leading him back to the bridge.

"They're at the reactor!" Tifa was hyperventilating badly, and she stumbled into a halt at the canyon's edge, fumbling for a globe of Materia on her belt.

"You didn't rebuild the bridge?"

Tifa stared at the helmeted SOLDIER, surprise written clearly on her soot-streaked features. "How...how did you know there was a bridge here!"

Cloud stiffened, cursing at his slip. "Uh...someone I know told me. How are we going to get across?"

"Like this!" Tifa triumphantly yanked a glowing orb from her hip. "THUNDARA!"

And a bolt of lightning streaked down from somewhere in the heavens, slicing into the heart of a towering pine rooted near the two. Cloud swore and leapt lightly out of the way as the tree shuddered and began to fall towards them. A mighty crash sounded at its landing, and Cloud stared in amazement at the new bridge Tifa had summoned up. The girl had truly exceptional aim.

"Hurry!" Tossing the spent Materia away into the snow, Tifa jumped nimbly onto the fallen trunk and dashed across. Cloud took a breath before following her.

He made it across safely, and couldn't help but sigh in relief as he felt solid ground under his boots once again. Tifa gave him a strange look, but said nothing other than, "This way!" before taking off again. Cloud hurried after her, still pondering over what Tifa had dared to accuse Sephiroth of.

Sephiroth? How could Sephiroth have done this? Cloud had seen how cold and harsh Sephiroth had been when they first met to plan the mission. However, he never thought that the general would do anything like this. And why would he? What was Sephiroth trying to achieve?

How dare he burn down Nibelheim! Cloud furrowed his brows, mind whirling furiously. His hometown was going to be torched to the ground. Everyone he knew would be dead or seriously wounded...what would happen to his mother?

"Goddamnit! The door's bolted shut!" Tifa rummaged on her belt for more Materia. "Sephiroth, you son of a b--BLIZZARD!" she shut her eyes tightly against the whirlwind of ice that blasted out from her palm, solidly freezing the steel door over. Cloud gave the frozen obstacle a vicious kick and it splintered. "Thanks! Come on, we've got to--ohgods!" her face paled and she collapsed to the ground next to a body on the floor. "Father!"

And sure enough, Cloud recognized the fallen man as Tifa's father, the very same man who had struck out so furiously against Cloud as a young boy, enraged over the condition of his daughter and convinced of Cloud's uselessness in saving her. The memory hit him in full force, and he knelt next to Tifa, staring blankly at the lifeless face, whose features were now carved not in the familiar, harsh lines of fury but in shock. Tifa gave a heaving sob, her shoulders shaking. "Dad, oh dad..."

More to tear himself away from the unexpected sight of the corpse than anything else, Cloud stumbled to his feet, scanning the depths of the reactor urgently. Where was Sephiroth? Where was...he stopped and stared in horror at the scene unfolding a few yards away, by the neon glow of the Mako river.

Zack faced off against Sephiroth on the catwalk, Buster Sword in hand. With blinding speed, the silver-haired general launched an attack, Masamune blade sweeping out in a slash intent on slicing the first-class in two.

"Zack!" Cloud raced towards his friend and the maddened Sephiroth. Zack threw out his enormous sword in a desperate block, and the two blades met in a deafening clash of cruel steel. The impact was so great that it knocked both weapons from the grips of their respective owners. Cloud watched numbly as Sephiroth's Masamune flew out, clanging against the ground in front of the walkway's entrance. Zack's Buster, however, landed almost right at Cloud's feet, and he grabbed at it, hands closing around the now-familiar handle. He had to go and separate the two before they killed one another...

Sephiroth swung, a gloved fist smashing into the side of Zack's head viciously. Zack flew back from the impact, face screwing in pain, blood running down the edge of his mouth. Before he could leap into a more defensive position, however, his attacker struck again, this time treating the SOLDIER to a kick square in the face, then another in the stomach, in the blink of an eye.

All the wind was knocked out of him, and Zack gasped as he collapsed against a wall. Satisfied, Sephiroth stepped over Zack's prone body and advanced towards a pod at the far side of the reactor.

Tifa shoved Cloud aside brutally, features twisted in abnormal, vindictive fury. She snatched up Sephiroth's Masamune and flew across the bridge, a shriek tearing from her lips as she prepared to run the silver-haired general through with his own sword.

But Sephiroth was far too powerful for Tifa to handle, even if he was weaponless. The SOLDIER general easily sidestepped the hasty attack and grabbed at Tifa's free arm, jerking it towards him, reeling Tifa closer. Once this was accomplished, he could easily free the Masamune, and did so, his free gloved hand twisting Tifa's arm savagely. His slender sword fell to the ground and Tifa gasped in disbelief, twirling back from Sephiroth's grip and staring at her suddenly broken wrist.

He had to stop Sephiroth from getting the Masamune. Cloud raced forwards, trying to snatch up the hilt of the famous weapon. Sephiroth was faster, however, and he scooped up the sword effortlessly, dismissing Cloud with a elbow to the face. Cloud stumbled back with a bloody nose, dropping the Buster sword to the ground, and Sephiroth smirked before gliding across to where Tifa stood. The Masamune flashed out, an unrecognizable silver streak, plowing into Tifa's shoulder, right above the heart, ripping almost entirely through her slim frame.

Tifa gasped and buckled, still clutching her injured hand. She keeled over, sprawling out onto the ground, much as she did in the collapse on the bridge. And for a second Cloud was transported back at the ravine, back to the disbelief and horror and the falling crimson leaves...

Sephiroth gave a soft laugh and turned away to once again regard the strange-looking containment across the suspension, daintily stepping across to reach his goal, jade-green eyes glinting with a manic light. And in that one moment Cloud felt nothing but total, undiluted rage towards the man who had single-handedly annihilated his hometown and incapacitated his two best--if not only--friends on the Planet. He had taken away everything, absolutely everything.

He picked up the Buster and charged.

...  
/massacre  
...

"Hello, professor."

Hojo peered into the chamber, squinting in the darkness. "You're alive, hmm? How lovely." But his smirk suggested otherwise. Cloud twitched.

Zack shrugged. "Yeah. I'm hard to kill. Not that you were trying to, right? You need us alive." At least, he hoped so. Sometimes, though, he wondered if he was only saying that for confirmation of their own survival--the doctor was unpredictable, and though temper tantrums were a regular habit of his, he seemed to be much more unhinged than usual nowadays. Apparently the scientist's efforts of trying to create perfect Sephiroths of the two SOLDIERs was failing, and Hojo was not pleased. Zack rubbed at his eyes, scowling when one refused to open more than a mere crack. A black eye atop of everything else. He really needed this. "You're up early."

"I hope you didn't mean to sound so accusing." Hojo smiled unkindly. He bounced a ring of keys in his palm, and Cloud's eyes widened at the telltale sound. "You're going for a walk. Both of you."

Great. This could only mean one of two things: the laboratory, or the tubes. Though the lab--the torture chamber in which Hojo carried out his many experiments--was a very undesirable place, the tubes and the Mako treatments were pure hell. Despite Cloud's insistance that he was familiarizing himself with the Mako, he always fell into either delirious pain or a blank, unresponsive stupor upon initiation.

Hojo taking one of them would result in torture within the lab. Taking both was torture by tube. Zack tensed and he almost swore that he could already hear Cloud's screams.

The professor opened the door with a click, and the first-class struck, lunging out of the room and at Hojo, desperate to disable him as quickly as possible. Zack's fist slammed against the side of Hojo's face, knocking his glasses to the ground and very nearly smashing his cheek in.

If only Hojo was alone. Before Zack could recoil for another attack, another scientist from behind him had stepped in and pricked the specimen with a needle. Instantly he felt his muscles clench and freeze, his weakened body tense up, and he dropped to his knees, spasming furiously as he tried to get up again.

Tranquillizers. Damn.

"You never learn." Hojo rubbed at the edge of his mouth with a sleeve, scowling at the sight of blood on his clothes before glancing around vainly in search of his fallen spectacles. "Everytime you attempt escape, it never succeeds. What will it take for you to give up, Specimen? How many times will I foil you until it finally gets through your skull, hmm? Will I have to rip it open and write the words in with your own entrails? Escape. Is. Impossible."

"Keep telling yourself that," Zack spat, shooting livid glares at the lab aide as she fastened restraining cuffs on his ankles and wrists. Another assistant had already approached Cloud, who had learned from Zack's most recent mistake and was reluctantly submitting to the inevitable. "Just keep that in mind when I do find my way out of this goddamned place. You'll eat your own words, then."

Hojo just smirked, ignoring his forgotten glasses and pulling a new pair from inside his breast pocket. "You know, as I do, that there will be punishment for such impudence. And for the breakout attempt, as well as for losing my glasses." He yanked Cloud out of the cell by a manacle, looking the blond over briefly before shrugging. "I had planned, originally, for you two to be swimming in Mako for only a few hours. But this warrants something more. A month, perhaps? A year? Would that be sufficient?"

"A month?" Cloud finally spoke. "No...please..."

"Don't beg to me." The professor suddenly snapped, tugging swiftly at the chain around Cloud's neck and eliciting a pained gasp from the youth. "Tell your friend. He was the one who brought about this about in the first place. Escape, indeed!"

And he stalked off into the darkness, leaving his two apprentices to haul his two specimens after him. If it weren't for the sedatives, Zack would've kicked himself. How could he had been so careless? So impulsive? Hojo knew that Zack would always be harder to break than Cloud, so he reinforced his punishments the only way the scientist knew how: through Cloud.

Because torturing the younger man was just like torturing Zack himself.

Maybe he should give up. After all, if he continued to try and break out, Hojo would only continue to strike out at Cloud, and it would only be a matter of time until the blond snapped, both psychologically and physically. He really shouldn't be risking Cloud's health so, really shouldn't be playing with his friend's life like it didn't really matter in the face of possible freedom.

But. Cloud was going to break anyways in this environment. Escape was necessary.

The sudden searing sensation of Mako enveloped him as he was once again dropped into the infusion chamber. Just a moment later he heard a shriek as Cloud was dipped inside his own prison, but he could only watch helplessly as the adolescent writhed, as if trying to fight off the liquid that was seeping into his mouth, into his bloodstream and very soul. Tendrils of green were already spiraling up his limbs and across his cheeks, down the edges of his eyes like tears would if he was crying. Maybe he was.

"You brought this on him. Remember that." Hojo hissed disdainfully. "Keep this up and you just might kill him. Won't that be nice?" And with a dismissive sneer, the professor whirled and walked out of the room, his two croneys at his side. At that split second Zack would have given anything--even Cloud's life--to be able to close his hands around the man's throat and just snap it.

A shuddering moan. Cloud curled up into a fetal pose, his golden hair--now streaked heavily with the emerald hue of Mako--fluffing over his brow so that only his vibrantly-glowing blue eyes were visible from his face as he tightened into himself. Already he had stopped screeching, though his eyes were growing steadily hazier and unfocused as the pain of being so violated by the substance was fixing itself into his mind, tearing all vestiges of sanity from the ex-recruit.

Zack inhaled deeply. Mako dispelled all drugs instantly from the body, and it was hard to breath when your diaphragm was as flexible as stone. But he felt no relief from being able to move again.

There was only guilt. Which gave way almost immediately to fierce determination.

"I'll get you out." He promised, but already he could see that Cloud was unable of hearing him. "I'll get you out. Just. Soon."

But even as he said those words he had to wonder if he was even capable of holding such a promise. It was just a matter of time until the harsh nature of the laboratory would shatter Cloud. And he wasn't sure if he would be able to break out before that time ran out.

...  
author's notes  
...

Angst is so hard to write. I'm not a fan of angst--it either has me in gigglefits or puking over my shoes--and angsty!Cloud is definitely not one of my favorite characters. Ahh.

I know I'm fucking with canon a bit. I don't think that this is very AU though--I just want to mess with the past. I hope you don't mind, but I really don't care if you do.

Funnily enough, I just saw a fic with the same name as this one floating around. Uhm. Okay. Bring on the flames, I s'pose...? I've never seen the story before, but apparently it's older than this one. Hn.

But. Hey. I updated this. And I hate this chapter, too. What a surprise. I still don't know why people even like this thing. Ohwell. It will forever remain a mystery. 


End file.
